ballerina chronicles: part two

reflecting on my purpose and life trajectory:

When I reflect on my collegiate experience, one word continuously comes to mind: untraditional. I have realized that my journey through higher education has been a lot of trial and error. I wasn’t set up to excel academically in grade school, even though I attended predominantly white institutions. I struggled to perform well academically and lacked the accurate support I needed, both at home and school, to keep my head above water. Somewhere along the way, most likely when I hit high school, I started to drown. I was already so far behind that I felt there was no catching up. I did my absolute best to at least get passing grades so that I could continue to participate in performances for my high school’s dance team. I grew up a dancer, and at the time, that was my only passion. The one thing I knew and was confident that I did exceptionally well, so I poured all of my time, dedication, and attention into perfecting my craft. Hoping it would lead me to a happy and successful career as a professional dancer and choreographer. 

​Once I stepped into the world after graduating high school, I very quickly realized that becoming a professional dancer and choreographer wasn’t as promising as it seemed. On the other side of the glitz and glam, I would have had to take on a life with less stability and a lot of uncertainty. Plus, the entertainment industry is ruthlessly competitive, and growing up a competitive dancer, dealing with the glares and animosity all for a trophy and notoriety took the joy out of dance for me. I felt miserable; it didn’t feel like I had truly found my purpose. I was slapped in the face by reality, and I had to reassess my skill set. I had to start from the bottom and figure out what else I wanted to do. The only other thing that I felt I could pursue was English or Creative Writing, but I still had my doubts. 

Initially, I felt a bit hopeless as I wasn’t set up to go to college mentally, academically, or financially. I didn’t believe that I had what it took to make it through college. 

​However, being a dancer has taught me many things that I have been able to utilize in different areas of my life. I’ve learned how to be a leader and positive role model to those around me because of dance. Dance has taught me what it means to work hard and to be disciplined. Dance has taught me the importance of creativity. Dance taught me that if I am persistent and take the time to get better at something, I will reach my goal, eventually. 

​Lo and behold, here I am enrolled in my second-to-last semester at CSUDH. In addition to having two (English) AA degrees, I will have a Bachelor's in Women’s Studies with a minor in English Literature after I graduate next Spring semester. And it was all because I persevered and didn’t give up on myself even when I felt like I couldn’t make it.

​I am extremely grateful for the Women’s Studies major at CSUDH. Dr. Brandt has provided me with the utmost guidance and support in navigating the major. Not only do I feel at home as a Women’s Studies major, but I have felt myself grow as a student and person in the world because of my studies. Now I look at the world through an introspective and intersectional lens. I feel that I have also been able to further strengthen the skills I have cultivated through dancing. As a WMS major, I have been able to learn how I can implement my leadership skills through advocacy and community building in the Black and queer feminist communities. I’ve learned and understand that being a positive role model as a feminist means practicing what you preach and standing on your principles. It means showing up and lending a helping hand or resources when they are in need. I’ve been able to apply my dedication and persistence towards advocating for and supporting Black and queer people who are at a disadvantage or feel powerless. I understand that a lot of the challenges Black and queer people face are because of deeper systemic issues, because of my studies. I can also use my personal experiences as a testimony and proof that because we are set up to fail doesn’t mean that we will or we have to. Being a WMS major has encouraged and inspired me to speak my mind and use my voice to implement and demand change for the betterment of society. My studies have urged me to become an even better listener and to have more empathy for those with differences. I’ve learned not to conflate the experiences of women of color, both in the West and transnationally, by lumping them all together. I understand how important it is to stand up for trans, queer, and nonbinary identities in the feminist community, as their identities are just as important as cis-hetero women’s issues. I think in more critical and in-depth ways concerning race, gender, class, and sexuality. And because I have accumulated these new skills, I can enlighten Black and queer feminists in the community with what I have learned and conceptualized.